Oh. Dear. God.

Peace Symbol Equals Sign to Drop Bombs on Iraq

Honestly, I don't care what side of the fence you sit on regarding the war in Iraq, terrorism, or what have you, this is taking it too far. The woman cannot hang a peace sign Christmas wreath because it is considered "divisive"? Or better yet, a "symbol of Satan"?

Grow the fuck up, dude.

Oh, and I love this little tidbit at the end regarding the HOA president:

Kearns ordered the committee to require Jensen to remove the wreath, but members refused after concluding that it was merely a seasonal symbol that didn't say anything.

Kearns fired all five committee members.

Yes, they're using logic, fire them all! Off with their heads!

If I posted, here's what it would look like...

OJ Simpson is a fucking dumbass. There, I said it. I know that to millions of people he is an icon, "The Juice" as it were, but to me he is a bona fide dumbass - either that, or a really big asshole. Who I am fooling? He's both.

"If I did it, here's how it happened"?? Are you kidding me? Save the dramatics and admit it already, you pantywaste. And for god's sake, if he didn't do it then he needs to keep his damned trap shut. I cannot imagine what the Brown/Goldman families must be going through with jughead hashing out details in both book and interview form.

Is OJ that hard up for money that he has to try and profit from such a tragedy? If nothing else, can he not think of his children whose mother was brutally murdered?

Seriously, what a douche.

#@%$&*@#

If you hear a news story about a woman out of Charlotte, North Carolina going bat-shit crazy with road rage, know two things:

1. Yes, I am that crazy bitch, and
2. The other person is a fucking asshole and they totally deserved it

That is all.

Pretty fly, for a white guy

So today I went to the most dreaded of all places: Wal-Mart. I try to shop at Target at all costs but unfortunately they were completely sold out of two things on my list today, potting soil and condoms.

As if purchasing potting soil and condoms didn't raise enough eyebrows as is, my cashier had to bring further attention to my selected items with the following conversation:

Wal-Mart Cashier Bitch: You know you got Magnums?
Me (whilst turning every shade of red): Yes...
WMCB: You a white girl.
Me: Oh my god! I am?!
WMCB (leaning closer to me, voice lowered): Is your boyfriend black?
Me: No, my HUSBAND is white. And well hung. Now will you kindly take my goddamned credit card so I can pay for my Magnums and get the fuck out of this god forsaken hell hole?

Her response to that was to ask Wal-Mart security to step over. "Security" turned out to be the little elderly man at the front door who was kind enough to shoot me a sympathetic look and ask me to pay for my purchases and be on my way, which I did as quickly as possible.

As I was walking out the door, I heard a spray bottle being pumped and the WMCB say, "Don't touch that yet, honey, she had condoms on it."

For the love of christ.

/rant

Dear...

Clients I had today:

How 'bout ya try not to be so fucking crazy.

Hugs and kisses,

greeneyes

Take your shirt off and twist it 'round yo head

Apparently I've been living in Nof' Carolina this whole time and I wasn't even aware!

Mr. L and I met with the recruiter today and turns out her first language was not English but Ebonics... and this woman was a Technical Sergeant. Her assistant, a Senior Airman, was too busy playing on her T-Mobile Sidekick to pay attention to anything else going on.

At one point during the discussing, (after "axing" us many questions) Tsgt Haynes stopped to check her job description online and then still wasn't able to obtain an answer for us.

I guess you could say Mr. L and I aren't that worrried about whether or not he will be a competitive candidate.

They told me to tell her that he was wrong

I'm just going to say it: I hate pronouns.

Ok, maybe I don't hate prounouns as a whole, I just hate when they are misused. If you have not already identified the noun, it is NOT ok to use a pronoun. I am inundated with this at work and it drives me up the freaking wall. "She told me to tell you he can't fix that." Who is "she"? Who is "he"? What is "that"?! Must stop twitching... ARGH!!

I think my all-time most-hated misuse is "they." The front office coordinator is constantly telling clients that "they" make the rules and "they" decided on refunds. Who is "they"? "Corporate" is her response. Who at corporate? "Someone." Surely they must have a name or perhaps an extension where I can reach "them."

Make. it. stop.

/rant

Be ye not an anonymous commenter

Dear Anonymous Commenter:

Perhaps you are not versed in the ways of the commenting of the blog so allow me to edify you: anonymous comments are tacky and also gives one the air of being testical-less.

Also, when making snarky comments it would be wise to at least try to form grammatically correct sentences... especially considering we're only talking about one here for god's sake. "Less inside jokes"? Child, please. I have been called a grammar whore before, so don't think I won't call you out on errors because oh HELL YES I will, especially if you are being an ass.

Please also allow me to remind you that this is my fucking blog and I'll post whatever I want. If I want to post about the color and consistency of this mornings urine, I damn well will. If you find it "boring," click the back button and move on with life. And if you are too lazy to do that, you can always buy one of these nifty keyboards that has a back button built into it. Problem solved.

The moral of the story is: don't be a goddamned ass.

Hugs and Kisses,

greeneyes

Take your unprofessional bullshit and shove it

I don't understand how in the world of corporate business the incompetent, unprofessional morons seem to flourish. How is it that a grown woman of thirty-two who dresses like a prostitute with her tits hanging out, can't spell to save her life, acts like she's never been taught grammar, and e-mails colleagues shitty-ass e-mails about how they are worthless never gets fired? I mean really, how does upper management see this as a good business practice?

On the other hand, she is a shinging example of what you can get a way with. Just think of what I could aspire to be: an unprofessional bitch who comes in hungover at 11:30 (if she bothers to show up at all), leaves at 2:30, tells clients they are taking up all of her time, treats staff members like they are the lowest of the lowest class, and makes $60,000 a year.

This woman gives women in business a bad name. Quite honestly, I would rather work for all men any day... and I'm a woman! There, I've said it, now let the stoning commence.

/rant

Turns out...

...NASCAR is pretty much the same in person as it is on TV, except for the whole drunken, hillbilly factor.

A bunch of cars go around a bunch of times on a track owned by people with a bunch of money. The end.

Oh, and as a little FYI from me to you, if you see a man dressed like a cop standing around with other men dressed as cops, they are not cops. They are lazy assholes off-duty police officers and for god's sake Tony Stewart just took the lead and no, they will not assist you with the drunkard spewing beer everywhere.

/rant

Whiz-bang

What's better than working nine hours on your feet with no lunch only to leave your one office, drive in thirty minutes of rush hour traffic, arrive at your second office and work another two hours before finally heading to a fast-food restaurant for that healthy delicious meal you've been craving all day?

The asswipe in the gold minivan with no less than eight "Support Our Troops" ribbons/stickers/blatant propoganda who can't merge to save her life let alone drive the speed limit. The fantastic thing about this country is that it's free, so rock on with your bad self and all your adhesive, clingy shit things but for god's sake if you are going to bring so much attention to your car's ass then learn how to drive.

/rant

Wham, bam, thank you ma'am!

What is up with women and the word "ma'am"? Three times today - count them, THREE! - I was told by a woman that it is "disrespectful" (well, technically one of them told me it was "irrespectful" but whatever) to call her ma'am. Disrespectful? When did this happen? I was raised to be a lady and that included the phrases "no, ma'am," "yes, ma'am," "no, sir," and, my father's favorite, "yes, sir." Please excuse my upbringing if I dare be so "irrespectful" in public to you, your highness.

You know, I could call you a cuntrag and then everyone would feel disrespected. Great, now I've used the c-word... there went that lady-like upbringing.

/rant