I also have a good face for radio:

Ganked from the ever-lovely RegionBroad:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
Philadelphia
Boston
North Central
The South
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

Ain't It Funny

So Mr. L is out of town tonight and so far it's been nothing but drama. First, I get back home from dropping him off and Bubbles decide she is going to play Bowling for Momma and bolt out of the door as soon as I open it and knock me flat on my ass. Then she decides she does not want to come back into the house and that momma is going to have to run her ass all over the neighborhood. Clearly, I was not off to a good start.

Second, after five and a half hours of not being in contact with L and three and a half hours after he was supposed to check into his hotel and call me, the panic sets in. So at 3:30 in the morning, I call the front desk to see if he has arrived and am told no. Calm down, he probably is stuck in traffic or something I tell myself. But it's 3:30 am, what kind of traffic could there possibly BE in Podunk, TN? Construction then I reassure myself - anything to help me retain sanity at this point. Finally, at 6:00 am, Tennessee Highway Patrol tracks L down, fast asleep in his hotel room at the EXACT SAME HOTEL THAT TOLD ME HE WASN'T THERE THREE HOURS PREVIOUSLY. Oh, and he checked in around 1:30 am. Brilliant.

Turns out, there is no cell reception in Podunk and the hotel phones won't let you dial out long distance. Not sure yet if the town is truly behind the times and does not have a payphone anywhere within its limits, but L was sleepy so I'll wait to quiz him on that tomorrow. Or today rather, as it were.

So I'm pissed. Actually, no, I'm physically ill from the worry AND pissed. As hell. And oddly enough, I'm not angry with L, I'm angry with my ex and myself. I'm angry that after two and a half years of a very one-sided relationship and serious late-night shenanigans, I immediately go into Freak the Fuck Out™ mode if someone doesn't contact me when they say they will.

You see, Ex used to be a professional drinker and at the time, I was holding down a more than full time job, so it wasn't as if I could drive his ass to every bar in town every night of the week. Well, every night except Sunday and Monday, unless there was a pitcher special going on somewhere. He would swear to me that he and his friends would have a designated driver or they would ride the bus home, but it never happened. He would come home, hours after he said he would be, stinking drunk and having driven himself. He had a penchant for drunk driving and like a selfish asshole, never bothered to think about the lives he was putting at risk - his own, other people on the road, the people he would potentially leave behind who would be shattered - for his own inebriation and stupidity.

And I just cannot let go of it all. L is completely different, he's caring and trustworthy and I have no reason to believe that he would ever be that careless or stupid. His reasons for not being able to contact me are perfectly legitimate and I believe him when he says he was worried about how worried he knew I would be. So even with all of that in mind, I still cannot let go of the past. I still cannot relax and I'm as much to blame for all of this stressed out bullshit as Ex is. It sickens me that a relationship centered around the selfishness of one person still affects the open, honest, loving, dedicated relationship I have with L.

So, after six hours of worry, extreme stress and positively NO sleep, I am off to bed.

Being Hormonal and Judgemental

After my second miscarriage, it was hard for me to see other pregnant mommies and not feel jealous and guilty. Going into my OB's office for weekly check ups and blood draws didn't help the matter much as inevitably there would always be at least one pregnant mommy in the waiting room - such is the peril of going to an OB's office.

While that feeling of jealousy diminished over time, it never really went away as far as some pregnant mommies were concerned. I can remember being at the checkout counter at the grocery with Mr. L almost two months after our miscarriage and the cashier was in high school, unmarried, talking about catching her boyfriend with a cheerleader and quite pregnant. I cried and cried and cried and cursed such an unfair world for allowing someone who couldn't even support herself let alone a child to carry to term. I could provide a baby with a loving home, I could provide a mommy AND a daddy, I could do all of those things and more except actually stay pregnant long enough to have a child. Obviously, I was quite emotional and rationality was something with which I struggled.

Today, despite being pregnant, I felt some of those same feelings creeping back in - but not for me. A close and dear friend of mine is beginning the process of infertility testing/treatment after a long, difficult process of trying to get pregnant and I just hurt so much for her. Here is an amazing woman who would make one kick-ass mom and a little piece of me crumbles when I see these girls bringing children into the world that they didn't plan and can't afford. Just to rub more salt in the wound, tonight on one of the pregnancy message boards I frequent there was a 19 year-old girl talking about how she is living with her boyfriend, can't afford to buy food, and wishes she had never become pregnant. It is all. I. can. do. not to snipe at this girl.

I realize in life there are things we cannot change, but damnit it can suck so hard sometimes.

Happy Birthday!

This one's for you, Miss Bridget. I miss you.

Stressed

I don't think my husband wants to have sex with me anymore.

I can't believe I'm putting this out into the Innerbunny (as Michelle would call it), but there you have it. I am fully admitting that I am whining here and yes, there are more important things to be stressed about in the world - I get it. Unfortunately knowing that makes me neither less stressed nor less whiny.

Obviously I understand L's lack of desire recently because let's face it, I'm 15 pounds heavier than I used to be and just not a shining example of sexiness in my current pregnant state. It's not as if the man has ever even thought about looking at preggie porn or anything, so why would he be attracted to me? I just don't fit the status quo of his sexual desires these days, folks.

Now L tells me I'm beautiful on a regular basis and I believe him when he says that, but that doesn't necessarily mean that he's attracted to this particular brand of "beautiful." I think most pregnant women are beautiful in a glowing, maternal way, but I would never look at one and think, damn, I could get with that. And yes, I have thought that about other women before so that isn't just from a same sex standpoint.

Another part of this equation is a certain ex-boyfriend who, after a year of dating, just decided he really wasn't that into sleeping with me anymore. Didn't know why, didn't think it had anything to do with me, just flat out wasn't interested anymore. So at this point in my life, I've taken two perfectly healthy, young, virile men and, for whatever reason, caused them to stop wanting to have sex with me.

It's a blow to my self esteem. *sigh*

So what is there to do? I've stopped coming on to L in the hopes that a little absence makes the heart grow fonder will spark some interest - but after a week of feigning disinterest, I've got nothing. No attempts made on his part and for fuck's sake, I can't even remember the last time we kissed. I've previously tried just jumping him but that resulted in a disastrous episode entitled "The One in Which L Tries Really, Really Hard to Come and Ends Up Doing So While Only Semi-Hard."

I thought the only reason you were supposed to be married when you're pregnant is so that there is someone legally bound to have sex with you. Apparently I was misinformed.

Fringe Benefits

Apparently there were more benefits to dating a professional drinker in college than I was at first aware. To be fair, I would no longer classify my ex as a professional drinker but back in the day... yeeeeeeah.

Anyways, said ex and I moved to Charlotte together with all of our stuff and when things didn't work out a few months later, he moved back to the Midwest. While he didn't leave much more behind than my stuff and a dozen roses, one thing he did leave behind was a box marked "Bar Stuff." A cursory glance led me to assume it was nothing more than the ornamentation he used to adorn his bar and nothing more. I was a little hurt when he said he didn't want it back as some of the books and specialty pourers were gifts from me, but in the end it made little difference.

And so the box sat in my den, waiting for me to decide if I would place it in my attic or toss it to the curb to be picked up with the trash. I opened the box today to see if there was a blacklight in there (so I can find all of the cat piss locations) and found none other than a WASP-ish delight: liquor. And we're not talking just cheap stuff (although dude, McCormick vodka suuuuuuuucks) as there was also some fine selections of Bacardi, Smirnoff, and Cuervo.

So thanks, ex professional drinker boyfriend. Tonight, I drink to you.

He Said, She Said

Her: sweet
Her: finally!
Her: html is my bitch
Him: along with a long list of others. :-)

He said, She said

her: what self-respecting WOMAN calls her period Aunt Flow?
her: pre-teen? yes
her: teenager? maaaybe
her: woman? give me a break
him: ?
her: I'm on this pregnancy forum
him: ah...
her: and everyone calls it Aunt Flow
him: just one of those inside joke/cliche things i suppose.
her: I just want to post: GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK ALREADY!!
her: but there is no swearing allowed, lol
him: so i guess you might say that L shot and killed her, huh? :-)
her: LOL
her: well, that has yet to be determined
him: true... but if he did, it'll be awful hard to ditch the murder weapon. :-P

And just so you don't freak out, no, I am not trying to get pregnant.

Gangsta Barbie Bitch

Bridget and I met in junior high which proved to be one of the most awkward and confusing times in my life. I had just moved to Indiana from Chicago where I attended a grade school with classes the size of the sum of all students in the junior and senior high school I was now attending. I quickly learned that in a small town, everyone knows everything.

At thirteen you hardly know who you are, let alone who you want to hang out with and be friends. Everyone is trying to fit in and be "cool" and yet no one can define "cool." Bridget wasn't cool or punk or preppy or right or wrong. Bridget was Bridget. She was also one of the few people who talked to the new girl from Chicago - which may or may not have played a part in us being friends. ;-)

As the years passed, we grew up, we grew closer, we grew apart, we made midnight drive-bys at the homes of girls who caused our boyfriends to break up with us and break our hearts, we lived together but most importantly we always had each other. Now that I've moved and married and life seems to be going at warp speed, I sometimes find myself lost in thought over the simpler days. The days of being young and foolish but always having that best friend to pull you through anything.

To the woman who has been through it all and put up with it all, happiest of birthdays, my love. And Fidel Castro so totally wants a piece of your hot ass.