Ten things I know...

...about why I am mad:

1. After a nice evening out on the town
2. Mr. L and I return home to a horrible smell
3. Radiating from our bedroom
4. From where "The Cat" pissed on our bed
5. And bedding, which cost a fortune
6. Which soaked through to the mattress
7. Which cost another small fortune
8. Kitty piss smells like ass
9. No, wait, make that bottled, week-old ass unleashed upon my tender nostrils
10. Kitty better get neutered before I do it myself

ps: I had a lot of bourbon with dinner

Ten Things I Know...

...about being picked up in a coffee shop:

1. It's been done a hundred times already
2. This means you are not original
3. No matter how hard you try you cannot make 16 oz chai sound dirty
4. That means stop trying
5. Please
6. You're making my ears bleed
7. Ok, fine, now I have to use the "M" word
8. Dude, I said I was married, for crissakes
9. Yes, that means I am unavailable
10. 20 oz decaf latte girl doesn't want to date you, either, jackass

Ten Things I Know...

...about my husband:

1. He is one of the most generous, caring people I know
2. But that doesn't mean he can't annoy the hell out of me
3. It doesn't matter what you are talking about, he will always be distracted by two things: Anything Volvo related and cycling
4. His eyes light up like a kid with candy at Christmas if you say the words "blow job" or "shaved pussy"
5. You can trust him with any secret
6. Just not knives
7. He is an excellent cook
8. But my god, the man could out-spice Emeril
9. He likes fire and almost burnt down his house... on our third date
10. He adores the bejesus out of me