Foolish Love

I don't want to hold you
And feel so helpless
I don't want to smell you
And lose my senses
I'll smile in slow motion
With eyes in love

Highly Laughable

Biggest maternity lie out there:

Purchase your pre-pregnancy size!

If I posted, here's what it would look like...

OJ Simpson is a fucking dumbass. There, I said it. I know that to millions of people he is an icon, "The Juice" as it were, but to me he is a bona fide dumbass - either that, or a really big asshole. Who I am fooling? He's both.

"If I did it, here's how it happened"?? Are you kidding me? Save the dramatics and admit it already, you pantywaste. And for god's sake, if he didn't do it then he needs to keep his damned trap shut. I cannot imagine what the Brown/Goldman families must be going through with jughead hashing out details in both book and interview form.

Is OJ that hard up for money that he has to try and profit from such a tragedy? If nothing else, can he not think of his children whose mother was brutally murdered?

Seriously, what a douche.

I also have a good face for radio:

Ganked from the ever-lovely RegionBroad:

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Midland "You have a Midland accent" is just another way of saying "you don't have an accent." You probably are from the Midland (Pennsylvania, southern Ohio, southern Indiana, southern Illinois, and Missouri) but then for all we know you could be from Florida or Charleston or one of those big southern cities like Atlanta or Dallas. You have a good voice for TV and radio.
The Inland North
The West
The Northeast
Philadelphia
Boston
North Central
The South
What American accent do you have? Take More Quizzes

How NOT to Sell Your House

Feature not one but TWO pictures of a transvestite:

Photo found on www.swelldwellings.com.

Breathe Much?

Seen over at hey freak!: World Record for Most T-Shirts Worn at One Time.

Seriously, my shit would flip from claustrophobia.

*shudder*

More Boys, More Fun

This guy takes the cake: The Pterodactyl
(please note that extremely loud, annoying, obnoxious music will play when you click this link)

I thought seriously he must be joking, but no, he has his own MySpace groups with names such as "Pterodactyl Fan Club," "PTERODACTYL LOVERS UNITE," "There's a little Pterodactyl in us all" and my personal favorite "i love fucking pterodactyls." I'm not quite sure if the word fucking is being used as a verb or an adjective here, you decide.

I suppose there could be worse things one could obsess over.

Maybe.

Fun With Boys

I recently joined MySpace as a certain blog I enjoy reading there only allows MySpace users to comment. It should be noted that there is nothing of any significance on my webpage, all you will find there is a photo and the fact that I went to Purdue. I didn't answer any of their inane questions such as "Tell us about yourself" "Who I'd like to meet" or "How big are your tits?" (ok, maybe I made the last one up, but you get the idea).

Even with no information about myself on the site, I still get daily messages sent to me from men (and I'm using that term loosely) who want to meet me or "be my friend." Seeing as I get so much enjoyment out of these, I thought I'd post a few for your reading pleasure.

Bachelor Number One: I've got me....get you

Twenty-six year-old male from Charlotte, NC who wants to know "are you picking up, what [he's] putting down????"

His Message:

hey wussup kate? girl you are adorable to me. can i get to know you?

Survey Says: In this great day and age, man has discovered and mastered the usage of upper and lower case letters... come join us!

Bachelor Number Two: Display Name

One hundred year-old male from Space, Egypt who would like to meet "Just some new friends. People to chat with. And what ever else that mite [sic] happen."

His Message:

Hey sweetie how are you doing. Just saw you online. I must say your a very beautiful woman. I would love to get to know you some time.

Survey Says: Sentence structuring. Gets the better of me. Sometimes, too. So does? Knowing when to? Use question marks?

Bachelor Number Three: Steve

Twenty-two year-old male from Charlotte, NC whose interest in books is "I DO NOT DO MUCH READING BUT WHEN I DO I LIKE BOOKS THAT TEACH YOU THINKS."

His Message:

HEY THERE I SEE YOU ARE NEW TO THIS THING SO AM I SO I WOULED LIKE TO BE YOUR BUDDY IF YOU WOULED LIKE TO BE MY STEVE

Survey Says: THE LIGHT AT THE TOP RIGHT OF YOUR KEYBOARD MEANS THE CAPS LOCK IS ON, DUMBASS

Reasons number 454905, 8743085, and 340983509834 I am infinitely happy I am married and not on the dating scene any longer.

Sweet!

My blog is worth $0.00.
How much is your blog worth?

My blog is priceless!

[Stolen from the ever-lovely Region Broad from for-fucking-ever ago.]

Gangsta Barbie Bitch

Bridget and I met in junior high which proved to be one of the most awkward and confusing times in my life. I had just moved to Indiana from Chicago where I attended a grade school with classes the size of the sum of all students in the junior and senior high school I was now attending. I quickly learned that in a small town, everyone knows everything.

At thirteen you hardly know who you are, let alone who you want to hang out with and be friends. Everyone is trying to fit in and be "cool" and yet no one can define "cool." Bridget wasn't cool or punk or preppy or right or wrong. Bridget was Bridget. She was also one of the few people who talked to the new girl from Chicago - which may or may not have played a part in us being friends. ;-)

As the years passed, we grew up, we grew closer, we grew apart, we made midnight drive-bys at the homes of girls who caused our boyfriends to break up with us and break our hearts, we lived together but most importantly we always had each other. Now that I've moved and married and life seems to be going at warp speed, I sometimes find myself lost in thought over the simpler days. The days of being young and foolish but always having that best friend to pull you through anything.

To the woman who has been through it all and put up with it all, happiest of birthdays, my love. And Fidel Castro so totally wants a piece of your hot ass.